i am damaged
by ResX
Summary: Breezepelt is damaged. Broken. A mess he isn't ready to fix. After he loses Nightcloud, he is beyond repair. Where will he go without the one cat he thought he could depend on? No one else in the world cares enough to try to fix him...right? [Takes place in Crowfeather's Trial. Breeze x Heather. ONESHOT]


**i am** **damaged**

* * *

_"i am damaged,_

_far too damaged,_

_but you're not beyond repair."_

_~jd, heathers: the broadway musical_

* * *

"Nightcloud…"

Breezepelt kept on saying her name. Over and over again, like it was the key to a spell, the switch to the light that would bring his mother bach home.

"Nightcloud…"

The stoats were asleep. He would be safe from where he was, left to meddle in his own inward fears.

That was never going to be a problem anyway. It's not like anyone would come for him.

"Nightcloud…"

She had been right next to him the entire time, being comforting, always strong in the face of imminent danger.

"_Stay close. I don't wanna lose you to these StarClan-forbidden creatures_."

And then they were ambushed.

And his scream of horror was imprinted in his mind as his mother was stripped away from him and engulfed in the sea of claws and white.

Breezepelt's face scrunched up in pain as the memory stung his mind. Suddenly, he didn't want to be near the tunnels anymore.

But where else was there to go? His mother was the only cat that would even listen to him. All of his Clanmates saw him as a traitor, Onestar seemed a bit too obsessed with his Clanmates accepting _him_ than how he felt about the ordeal, and Crowfeather…

They hated each other.

There was no other way to put it.

But he didn't want it to be that way. All his early life, he had been pining for a family. He just wanted to be loved, but no matter how much love his mother could shower upon her, there was always a hole in his heart, in his life which his father never bothered to fill.

But he didn't just ignore it. He _abused_ it.

He never talked to him, never acknowledged his existence, never even showed a shred of care about him.

He hated him.

And Breezepelt hated him, too.

But he knew he was lying.

He didn't hate his father. If he was being honest with himself, he never did.

He _missed_ him.

The Dark Forest was a place for him to get better, to release his frustrations into the world, to grow, harvest his only immunity to the twisted, spiteful world that was out to get him.

Anger.

But when the battle was over, there was no anger left to give.

It was only after the battle that he realized how damaged he actually was.

And he knew he couldn't bear to stay at the tunnel any longer.

He walked away, refusing to allow himself to look back, making silent, empty promises that he would find his mother.

But to be honest, if he didn't expect anyone to come to look for him, he especially did not expect that cat to be who it was.

"Hey."

Heathertail.

"What...what are you doing here?"

"I didn't see you come back. I came to look for you."

Breezepelt was now painfully aware of his pulse pounding through his ears.

"You...did."

"Yeah."

And just like that, this conversation turned awkward.

"O...kay."

"Let's...go?"

Breezepelt nodded, still unsure what exactly he was to say.

He slowly felt frustration boil at his paws as they walked to WindClan camp. Why didn't he hate her? I mean, he had every reason to. She was his father's apprentice, yet another reminder of his broken family, she had somehow fallen for Lionblaze (which, come on, _HIM?!)_, and was the first one to find the tunnnels, which went through a whole chain of trouble, including a dishonorable defeat at the paws of ThunderClan and a somehow-not-dead Hollyleaf and now, this. His mother was gone, and somehow it was her fault.

But when he looked back at her, he saw that she was significantly closer than when they had started walking together.

And that's what scared him.

Sure, it would be a blow to the chest if she just hated him like everybody else, but what if she actually...y'know..._liked_ him?

The idea didn't repulse him at all, strangely enough. It _terrified_ him.

"You...feeling alright?"

She inched closer.

And Breezepelt's anxiety spiked so high that he immediately scuffled away a couple of feet.

He stared at his paws with such tepid dedication to try and avoid Heathertail's gaze as they walked back to camp.

"_I am damaged."_

_._

_._

_._

"_I am damaged."_

.

.

.

"_I am damaged."_

.

.

"Soooo…"

Breezepelt stopped and pricked his ears to show he was listening, though he kept his face deliberately turned away.

"Considering how it's almost moonhigh and no one has come for us…"

Anxiety pulsed through his veins like thorns pulsing through his blood.

"Wanna...go for a walk?"

A walk.

Did she just ask to go on a walk?

With _him_?

He suddenly felt bile rise in his throat, and in that moment of panic, he turned to look Heathertail in the eyes.

Her dullened blue, sparkly, nervous, uncertain, longing..._beautiful_ eyes.

And it _burned_.

Oh StarClan, it _burned_.

He turned away so quickly, he felt a crick in his neck. Heathertail emitted a small "_mrrow_" of confusion when he did so.

Breezepelt, the impeccably built rage machine everyone loved to hate, had fallen apart in mere seconds.

He needed a second to recompose himself.

That was the most beautiful thing he had seen in his entire life.

This was the first time he had actually looked into someone's eyes.

It was so dazzling that his head stung with such scalding pain that he was almost convinced he had been permanently malformed.

He couldn't possibly bear to look at her eyes again.

But even then, there was no way to stop himself from trying.

He coughed, straightened his back and looked right ahead.

"Absolutely," he said as monotonously as he could.

And damnit, he made it awkward again.

But after a couple moments of stasis, they slowly moved towards the forest. And when Breezepelt glanced down, he noticed a very subtle bounce in her step.

Almost like she was happy to be with him.

Ridiculous.

.

"Thank you for saving me," she said after a few moments.

Oh StarClan.

Not this again.

"Didn't you already thank me this morning?"

"I did, but with the patrol and Crowfeather and...everyone else there...I thought it would be more appropriate if I just...said it to you directly."

Breezepelt was silent, refusing to look at her.

"Guess it doesn't make a difference, then."

That stung.

But Breezepelt kept walking. He kept being stubborn with himself. He refused to allow himself to get hurt like that again.

"Can I ask a...stupid question?"

"Sure."

"Why don't you look anyone in the eyes?"

Okay, what the fuck.

It was like she could read his mind.

"You...noticed?"

"It was just an observation. I'm sorry if I sound...obnoxious or bitchy or anything. It's just that you're the first cat to talk to me without looking me in the eyes."

Supposedly he had an answer, but if he once had it, he sure as hell didn't have it now.

So he turned around and looked into her eyes.

And he hissed and recoiled in pain immediately.

He could hear Heathertail flare up with alarm as his paws shot up, covering his eyes as the sensation of pain lost it's edge.

"It hurts." he said simply.

Heathertail, thankfully, didn't pursue further. It was like she understood and...sympathized with him.

Almost.

"I'm...sorry about Nightcloud. I assume what that's about."

Oh great. Now he had to deal with his depression, too. Thanks a lot.

"I know that Nightcloud loved you more than anything in the world. I can tell it hurts. I can tell you hurt."

Breezepelt said nothing.

"But I just wanted to say that, however much pain you feel, you're not alone. I'm here for you."

"No, you're not."

He felt Heathertail's surprise by that statement.

"W-What?"

"You don't understand. Nobody does!" Breezepelt felt his voice rising. "I am damaged! Broken! I always have been and always will be! My Clanmates think of me as a traitor, my leader is using me as an item to try and restore broken trust and my father won't even look at me! Don't you get it? Nightcloud was the only reason I had any hope things would get better! She was the only cat I could have. And now she's gone! Gone forever!"

Breezepelt finished his hysterical rant. Tears of loneliness pooled in his eyes.

He fully expected a snappy retort from her.

"Breezepelt, the world doesn't hate you as much as you think it does."

Her voice was soft. Luxurious.

"Maybe you'll come to understand that if you come over your fear of looking cats in the eye."

She paused.

"So, take your time. I've got all night."

Well.

Okay, so obviously he wasn't gonna do this, so he was just gonna have to wait the night out. No big deal. How hard could it be?

But that's when he realized he was lying to himself.

And two minutes after he swore to resist the whole night, he slowly turned around.

He looked Heathertail right in the eyes.

Her dulled blue eyes.

Her sparkling eyes.

Her soft eyes.

Her caring eyes.

Her..._loving_ eyes.

She smiled at him warmly.

And his heart swelled with emotion.

And in a stroke of sudden, possessive, powerful feeling, he wrapped her paws around her and pressed her nose to his.

And he felt his lips graze hers.

But when he let go a moment later, regret flared in his belly as he saw the alarm blaring in her eyes.

And suddenly it hurt all over again.

Oh StarClan, what had he done?

"I'm…"

Suddenly, in a stroke of sudden, possessive, powerful feeling, Heathertail wrapped her paws around him and pressed his nose to hers.

And he felt her lips graze his.

And somehow, in the midst of the emotional chaos sizzling in his body, he found it in him to kiss her back.

After about a minute of timeless bliss, she pulled away, keeping their muzzles close and only speaking in a whisper.

"Does it still hurt?"

Breezepelt looked into her eyes for a moment to figure out that answer.

"A bit."

Her eyes hardened in momentary concern.

And for the first time in a very, very, _very_ long time, Breezepelt smiled.

And that made Heathertail smile.

"But it's getting better."

* * *

**Bet you didn't expect fluff from the guy that's writing deaths for fun.**

**But it was fun to write. I really like Breezepelt x Heathertail. One of the more underrated couples in the Warriors universe. So glad they're canon now.**

**Also, I'd like to thank my girlfriend, Xepphyr (that's not her real name trust me), for coming up with this idea. She doesn't know she's the inspiration for the story and can get quite irritated by shoutouts, so...hopefully she won't read the story, cause I'm in trouble if I do.**

**Anyways, I know I still have to write things for almost everything, but I'm pretty sure I won't be releasing much until I break for the holidays. Then hopefully I can get back on track.**

**But for now, I hope you enjoyed this little piece of fluff before the holidays.**

**Best,**

**~Res**


End file.
